Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Important visual aid (my pained digits)

5 comments:

SevenOverThree said...

You need a write-in option for this, man.

Jonathan Rubin said...

List your write-in options below! (This feature won't let me leave open ended responses.....)

shesthesheriff said...

I'm a gonna aaanalize these options one by one and try and get to the bottom of this.

1) Loan Sharks

Even though I know it is your dream to survive a mafia shakedown, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be on the internet giving a giant 'fuck you' to your tormentors if in fact you did get your fingers broken by cousin Bobby. However I can picture you trying to do a good deed and support loan sharks who are being pushed out by the credit card industry.


2) Angry Pizza Man

I'm trying to envision a scenario in which a pizza delivery man breaks your fingers. I mean, was this like a warning to bad tippers in the DC area? If so I think that in itself merits its own investigative series.

3) Mandolin Accident.

So I thought, maybe you mean the mandolin slicer--but if thats the case then why the splint......

4) Moped Accident

Now I CAN picture you on a moped, however since you are a cheap bastard who doesn't tip the pizza man I can't picture you shelling out dough for a personal liability policy which you'd probably need to purchase to bring that thing anywhere near a road.
I also think if you did fall of a moped, you'd have more serious injuries.

5) Ultimate Frisbee Catch Gone Wrong

This seems too obvious to be true, which might make it the natural choice. However you may have known that we would perceive it as the natural choice, and that is why you maid it too obvious to be true.

Also, if you were going to make a catch that put you in a compromised position, you'd likely use your dominant (right) hand, correct? More than likely, you'd land awkwardly on the hand that was not performing an action, maybe use it to break your fall?

6) Doberman

A doberman is capable of breaking bones, so I can definitely see this. I'm wondering how you thought it was a good idea to try and pet a doberman?

Add to the confusion that your grainy photo makes it unclear whether you have cuts and bruises on your arm or not......

My vote is for Doberman.

Jonathan Rubin said...

Superb analysis!!! Answer to be revealed when I increase my words per minute to above 12.

Emily, upstairs neighbor, said...

A) Appropriate commiseration here + thanks for the mandoline warning.

B) Will you let people draw on the cast??? (When your digits are no longer pained, of course.) If so, I would draw a little stick figure dancing.