My workmate Michelle was working on a bio that someone wanted for a speaking engagement. They wanted 150 words, and were trying to drum up new adjectives for her to make her seem more awesome. It made my think - wouldn't it be great if we all wrote hyper-inflated boastful bios about ourselves. 150 words or less. Here's mine:
Bio for Jonathan Rubin
Jonathan Rubin invented the lightsaber during his Sabbatical from writing the Dead Sea Scrolls, a feat that required the invention of a time machine and the learning of calligraphy to achieve. His awesomeness is so immense that he can only travel up by freight elevator. He is, in the words of M.C. Frontalot, "so bright that it's redundant to have the sun out."
Rubin can make calls on the iPhone 4G that don't lose bars, and his calls on AT+T networks never get dropped. He inspired the man in the Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man in the World" commercials. He is omniscient, but has intentionally humbled himself in order to be more like the Buddha, of whom he is the 1,343rd reincarnation. He invented the internet but let Al Gore take the credit because that's how he rolls. He always smells like sandalwood, except when he works out, when he smells like Old Spice. (141 words)