Saturday, July 10, 2010
I am a large infant
Today I spent the afternoon hanging around with my cousin's baby (I don't know the equivalent word in "Family Tree-ness") and showing her around DC. While we were driving her around in the van, my aunt played this nighty-night CD where every other word was "sleeeeep." And we were real, real quiet so Isabelle (the baby_ could sleep. Our of all well-being seemed to rest on the rest of this baby - like she was nitroglycerin and any bum or sound would detonate it, plunging us into ruin.
My aunt said Isabelle was doing really well considering her flight from LA to DC and her sizable change of routine . I thought about this for a bit. I realized I am very much like this <2 year old infant. I hate changes too.
See, Dianna is on vacation to Chicago to see her family. Suddenly, my apartment becomes a bachelor pad. The TV obeys only me. My naps can go on forever. I don't need to coordinate my meals, showers, or video game binges. I was free!
And it was terrible. Sure, the freedom felt great for a while. The weekend seemed open to limitless possibilities. Anything was possible. But quickly, the enormity of the free time overwhelmed me. How did this apartment get so big? What am I going to do tonight? I called some people, talked to a few, and then sat on the couch. Nothingness was a void that surrounded me. I texted Dianna, watched a movie, played some more video games. Somehow, not having someone around for you to waste time with (or to escape from to selfishly waste time alone) wasn't gratifying at all. It'd be like played hooky on a Saturday. There was little joy in it. I was terrifically bored. I miss D.
Missing people is kind of a weird phenomenon. I mean, you have everything you need right here, right? Food, water, shelter, air conditioning. Why worry about something that's NOT here. Isn't that like defining yourself by the person you aren't? Well, I guess not. Because sometimes the people you care about become a part of you, and when they leave you get all mixed up.
So I'm looking forward to seeing Dianna in a few days. For the time being, I'll enjoy my facial growth and microwave burritos.