Monday, May 3, 2010

On the merits of the $100 toothbrush (or Why I love tote bags)

Scene: Dianna and Jon's apartment. Both are lethargic after a soup + sandwich dinner from Cosi. Realizing Dianna is in a weakened state-- from the sodium coma that is Cosi -- Jon decides to unveil his latest acquisition.

Jon: I may have made an unwise purchase
Dianna: Uh-oh
Jon: Ok, so I was at the doctor's...
Dianna: Dentist's.
Jon: Right, dentist's. And they've been telling me for years that I had a tough mouth to brush and oddly shaped teeth....
Dianna: You have normal teeth.
Jon: But they're hard to brush! And... well... they've been telling me to get an electric toothbrush. So I got one
Dianna: So that's it? That's the big purchase you made. How much was it?
Jon: It was $100
Dianna: Oh man, you got taken.
Jon: (Uncomfortably) But... it was an investment in my teeth!
Dianna: You paid $100 for a toothbrush, and it'll probably cost $20 to get replacement heads every three months.
Jon: The dental hygenist was pressuring me!
Dianna: She probably got a commission.
Jon: Yeah, I saw her put her name on the purchase order. Ok... now, I'm going to show it to you, but first: You love me unconditionally, right?
Dianna: Give it to me.
Jon: Unconditional love, right?

Dianna: Jon! Look at this thing. Jon, this isn't the first time you've been hoodwinked by dentists. Remember when they told you to get that waterpick? You bought one and you only use it twice a year, both times the night before you go to the dentist.
Jon: Unconditional?
Dianna: ......
Jon: Should I return it? I can return it? I have the receipt.
Dianna: Did you buy the mouthwash too?
Jon: No! It was free with purchase. So was this tote bag. (puts tote bag on head)
Dianna: If you return it, you have to give back the tote bag. You only bought it so you could get the tote bag, didn't you?
Jon: ........
Dianna: You should write this up as a blog post.


401Sue said...

I love tote bags too.

shesthesheriff said...

You know you can get an electric toothbrush at CVS for like 9 dollars right? I actually bought one accidentally once (I bought it with like 5 other things so didn't really notice the price) and it surprised the SHIT out of me when I unintentionally activated it whilst brushing.

So what is the difference between the CVS brand and this doomsday brush you have purchased? Give me the specs!!!

Jess said...

Bahahahah yea you can totally buy electric toothbrushes at for like $20 at CVS. Can't believe yours cost $100 :)

Dianna said...

I'm submitting this blog post to the Pulitzer committee. And I get a co-byline. History, here we come!

Jonathan Rubin said...

I can't say very much in my defense, especially given the $20 models at CVS that I've seen many times, buuuuuuuut:
1. My toothbrush comes with an INSTRUCTION BOOKLET
2. And a CD! Seriously. A CD.
3. It has a monitor that tells me how long I've brushed. I can't figure out how to use it.

So, basically, I got nothing.

Anonymous said...

That's my very favorite post so far. My dentist is trying to push a waterpik on me and I've managed to just say no. They also want me to use some fancy mouthwash, which, oddly enough, stains your teeth. WHY would I use that?

shesthesheriff said...

I'm going to get into the 'CD's that come with electric toothbrushes' business.