Sunday, April 18, 2010

I take down the KFC Double Down


Why? Because I'm an idiot.
And here's a video of me eating it. Dianna says I'm a bit of a narcissist when it comes to stuff like this. I like to think of myself as a documentarian with poor choice for subject matter.
Anyway, here are the important background pieces:

1. It costs $3.99

2. While I was able to overlook that Jewish prohibition against mixing meat with milk in the name of science, I wasn't comfortable eating bacon. So I took the sandwich home and cooked turkey bacon and threw that in (see pic #2).

3. The sandwich itself was heftier than I imagined. These weren't wimpy Tyson's chicken patties but thick pieces o' meat. It didn't feel like a sandwich, however - without bread, there can be no sandwich (Man, I hope this thing doesn't become an Atkins staple...). Opening up the two patties revealed a rather gross cheese blanket (see pic #3)

4. The taste? If you have eaten KFC before, it just tastes like KFC. There are no special ingredients here - chicken, cheese and (turkey) bacon, so if you've eaten those there are no real surprises. What may surprise you, however, is the way that KFC food eats as a MSG delivery system - its basically just a container with an MSG filling. So prepared to drink a lot of water afterward.

5. I ate it with a side of potato wedges in a few minutes. When I was done, my heart felt like it was beating a little faster, but that always happens when I eat KFC. Then, by sheer coincidence, I took a 3.5 hour nap.
A pic of the completed (and defeated) item of record is on the bottom.

The REAL reason why the KFC double down shocks us

First, it's not the nutrititional value - the double down has the same amount of calories and saturated fat as a Big Mac:

KFC Double Down: 540 Calories, 32 grams fat, 10 Sat fat, .5 trans fat, 145 Cholesterol, 1380 sodium

McDonald's Big Mac: 540 Calories, 29 grams fat, 10 sat fat, 1.5 trans fat, 90 cholesterol, 1190 sodium

Second, it's not even the ingredients - based on some half-assed Internet research I just did, it doesn't seem like our bacon consumption is decreasing, and our overall meat chomping seems to be increasing at the rate of 1.3 per cent a year.

So if it's not the fat content or the ingredients, why are people so enamored with this heart buster? Once again, Stephen Colbert shows us the way. His take with my exaggeration - already hinted at above - is that without bread, there can be no sandwich. And this puts this item in a category all it's own. It is unclassifiable foodstuff. The missing link between the fossil record. An anomaly. And we like to put things in categories, so mysteries scare us. The KFC Double Down is the International Manwich of Mystery - why would someone create it? Or eat it? Should this be legal? Is it a portent of horrible things to come? Was it created by extraterrestrials ? Does God know about this?

6 comments:

Ira said...

i think i gained five pounds reading this post. at least it was turkey bacon... washed down with a diet coke, i bet. ;)

Jess said...

Ew hahah just ew. Photo evidence was not necessary! :)

Ilan Goodman said...

You are a disgusting human being. You have no shame, and my hert is hurting knowing that you consumed this monstrosity.

Also you tagged this as judaism, which just means I think you don't know how to spell heart attack.

Ilan Goodman said...

*heart

shesthesheriff said...

Dude did you make up the international manwich of mystery line? thats rich.

Jonathan Rubin said...

I did. Trademark, bitches!