Monday, December 14, 2009

Say Hi to Your Haters

I've spent some time at Toastmasters recently, and heard some great speeches on all topics. This one, written by a colleague, is dedicated to a very important person I know who is dealing with a problem of this sort. Hope it helps.

Say Hi to your haters
by S.S.

Hater is a slang term used when describing a person who is against you for whatever reason... People tend to use the term hater more in the context of a person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. As I grow, I am noticing more that there are a lot of people who are not happy about my happiness or not happy about my success. This used to bother me. Now, today, I expect it. Now, I accept it.

...The truth is, there will always be opposition. There will always be whispers. There will always be rumors and gossip. It’s been like that since biblical days. Jesus had haters. That’s the way it is, that’s the way its always going to be.

In all of the altercations/ clashes I have been in, there is not one that I can say was worth it. You simply cannot fight fire with fire. There is nothing positive, that can come from negative. So if you're Tiger Woods and the world turns against you, retreat. If your coworker is not playing fair, back away. That battle is not yours.

The truth is: that person is unhappy. Their lack of self-contentment is what leads them to throw darts at you. This is not about you. It’s about them. If they weren’t talking about you, being jealous of you, looking at you with one eyebrow up- they’d be complaining about somebody else. It’s not about you. Don’t take it personal.

You all that have heard me a few times - my speeches are personal. So, you better believe I recently had to handle a situation like this. And I was proud of myself. I love Joel Osteen. He’s a pastor and author. In one of his books, Become a Better You: 7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day, there was a chapter on handling critics. He said in the Old Testament critics were called Slingers. And when the slingers went to attack another city they took rocks and threw them into the city wells. They figured that if they could clog up the wells and stop the flow of water, eventually the people of the city would have to come out. Do you understand that. You could have a well of peace, good will and intent, victory. Don’t let a Slinger speak against you and clog up your well. Don’t let them “force you out” of your happiness. Keep your well flowing and pure- because I have learned nothing positive and come from negative.

You might want to retaliate. I encourage you to retreat. The battle is not yours. That person has issues within themselves. Don’t put energy into owning their issues. Don’t do any research. If Sally said Susie was talking about you, don’t ask Sam if he’s heard anything. Don’t feed that fire. I believe it is easier to shake a hater off if you don’t know all the details. If someone comes up to you at the family reunion and says your cousin was talking about you - before that person starts with the "he said, she said, they said," tell them stop. Tell them you like to keep your well pure. Don’t allow those negative thoughts to enter into your mind.

So to all the haters out there, I have one thing to say: Hi!

(Note: She changed her ending on the fly, but I think it was something like that. I loved this speech)


shesthesheriff said...

True, but let this person know she is NOT invited to the annual playa hataz ball. 'Hate, hate, hate hate!'

Pam said...

Where is my friend Jon and what have you done with him??

Jonathan Rubin said...

What did I do?