Sunday, August 9, 2009
Ways for real men to save the environment
1. Don't shave on your days off
Your GF / wife may not like it, but tell her that America uses a gabillion times more water and electricity than the rest of the world combined, and every little bit helps. If possible: skip on showers too and tell her you got a part-time job at Greenpeace.
2. Don't eat bananas
They are always in season here because they are flown in from the tropics, and therefore it costs a lot of resources to get 'em here. Plus, people make gay jokes when you eat them. They really do. (Hat-tip to Dianna for this great tip).
3. Use a Luftwaffa in the shower
OK, OK... it's actually called a Luffa sponge. These may not look very manly, especially when they seemingly only come in pastels, but they allow you to use less soap, get clean faster and use less water / whatever the hell they make body wash from. You can also grow your own sponges, but I wouldn't recommend it (too much effort).
4. Use a fan (occasionally)
AC feels great, and is our our God-given right as Americans / industrial powers. However, sometimes we just need a little cooldown, and not the bone-chilling awesomeness of the AC. A fan pointing just at you while you watch TV or do computer stuff can help. Plus, your girlfriend hates AC because she has a low body temperature and it makes her dress up in blanket burkas.
5. Occasionally, eat something vegetarian
Did you know that a deep dish four-cheese pizza is vegetarian? So are pasta, eggplant Parmesan, Caesar salads, meatless nachos, refried beans, etc. All these things can you the some caloric / cholesterol damage as meat, but with less stress on the environment. Not saying you have to do it every day, but once in a while is good. And I didn't mention veggie meat stuff, but that's good too.
6. Go for a walk, fatass
Yeah, we all love our cars, but we seem to love our big fat guts more. Walk to the store to get your Slim Jims and love the Hummer at home. Then wash it down with moonshine and you'll nice and blinded before dinnertime (huh?).
7. Carpool / hitchhike / carjack
Anything you can do to put fewer cars on the road.
Posted by Jonathan Rubin