Sunday, July 5, 2009

Everyone is an idiot (kickball vs. softball ad neaseum)...

After the first kickball incident, we returned to the field the following week to find... another softball team squatting there. We sat impatiently waiting for our coach to arrive in his strange scooter with the permits. He scooted up, and we presented the rather irate softballers with the permit. But they left, and we played triumphantly... until we lost.
I had hoped this was the end of this tomfoolery. I was wrong (embarrassing article reprinted below):

More softball vs. kickball drama

A few weeks ago, Shenanigans reported on a heated incident between a Hill softball team and a kickball team, which resulted in the kickball team’s calling the cops on the softball team. This is hardly the first hostile kickball vs. softball scenario. And it appears the animosity is growing worse as the season progresses.

The spring newsletter of the World Adult Kickball Association’s D.C. Federal Division included a pointed missive against Capital Alumni Network softballers, and it spread like wildfire among the softball crew.

The problem stems from the fact that these kickballers and softballers have games on the same nights. And not only are they fighting for field turf, but then they wind up at the same bar, the Exchange, fighting for bar turf.

Tensions are high — and the crude newsletter hasn’t helped. In it, the division’s president, Beau Rightsell (who declined to comment to Shenanigans), refers to softball players as “trolls,” “Neanderthals” and other fine profane descriptors. He “formally declare[s] war on the CAN softball league,” telling his team, “Don’t talk to them. Don’t interact with them. And especially don’t hook up with them, unless you’re really, really desperate.” (He also encourages his team to be “twice the legal limit” of drunkenness and to urinate on the OEOB, “pass out on the White House lawn. Eat children. And die.”)

Eventually, Rightsell did apologize to CAN President Lamont Rooker. WAKA told Shenanigans: “There have been absolutely no problems between the D.C. Federal Division and the CAN softball league prior or subsequent to the issuance of this newsletter piece.” And, it added: “We fully believe it is simply high-spirited banter written in jest with no harm intended.”

Rooker told us, “I could say the same thing about kickball, but I’m not in the third grade.” He adds that he’s not worried about a future fight because “my guys are on alert that if that happens, they’ll never play CAN sports again.”

However, one softballer isn’t so sure. The situation is just “one wrong comment or dirty look from somebody getting punched in the mouth. The kickball kids will call the cops, but the softball kids will try to settle it themselves.”


George said...

I love it. Well to do DC young professionals living out their 80's movie 'turf war' fantasies that weren't allowed to exist at their (our) $15,000 per year high schools.

Jonathan Rubin said...

"Warriors....come out a PLAAAAYYYY."

George said...

LOL. 'Varsity has a game against MB today...uh, we're gonna kick some butt, we're gonna, you know RIP OUT THEIR JUGULAR VEIN AND FEAST UPON THEIR FILTHY QUAKER ENTRAILS!! then there's gonna be like, free hot dogs at the pep rally'