Monday, December 29, 2008
Betrayed by White Castle
I thought I had to do it. White Castle - a restaurant completely unknown to me except in legend, lay so close by my girlfriend's house that I could almost smell.... whatever animal was being fried at the time. The legends referring to White Castle were numerous: at least two Beastie Boys references AND a movie. Dianna warned me that my innards would pay the price for my curiosity. I informed her that that no Taco Bell, no McDonalds had ever felled me before.
We approached the drive-thru, starving. It began poorly: We placed our order (4 sliders, some chicken "rings," fries, a chicken sandwhich - all for me) and drove around the side. We were faced with two identical teller windows... and no employees. Our eyes scanned each vacant window. Nothing emerged. After literally about 3 minutes, a woman appeared and took our money. She then handed us our "sacks" of food (OK, I really enjoyed calling them my "sacks of food").
I will describe each of the contents separately:
1. The hamburgers were vile slices of sickness, paper thin with a greyish hue. They were covered by specs of a slimy substance (onions) and a bun shoved into a sleeve of some sort.
2. The "chicken rings" struck me as being absolutely devoid of any love or care whatsoever. I actually felt my emotional reserve being drained by these lifeless loops of... grossness.
3. The chicken sandwhich and fries seemed fine.
I ate half of the above feast in the car. Soon after, I felt as if a huge weight have been lifted from my shoulders...and placed squarely inside my gut. Moving was difficult. My breathing was labored. I felt out of sync with the goodness of the world, forsaken, possessed by lethargy. I wished for death, or Pepto. Eventually it passed. I swore never to eat junk food again. I have no willpower.
Posted by Jonathan Rubin