Possible one-sentence reviews:
1. Red, mean and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
2. Intriguing yet insubstantial, like a cardboard cut-out of something that once possessed cache.
3. Intriguing yet insubstantial, HellBoy II is as disappointing as the first movie; even hard-core fans may wish for Wall-E.
4. Despite occasional treasures, Hellboy II belly-flops onto the screen, with clumsy dialogue, uninspiring characters and a plot that can't seem to decide if it's a comedy, action or drama.