Sunday, July 13, 2008

Pinata Candy Diagnosis


You may find yourself at an 11-year-old's birthday party.
And you may find yourself staring at a multicolored cardboard star hanging from a black pole.
And you may ask yourself: What kind of candy is in that beat-up thing?

Not all pinatas are created equal. A quick review of the goodies inside, so if you have to scramble against a horde of kids for some goodies, you know what's worth your time.

From worst to best:


Tootsie Rolls -

There's a reason you haven't seen a Tootie Roll ad since 1984 - they suck. Brown and sticky and tasting like stale sugar, a famous crowd-disperser.
Tootsie-Pops - Slightly better, because you can lick away the candy shell and toss it before you get to the center.
Colored Tootsie-Rolls - They are edible. They come in interesting flavors, but cherry, of course, is the best.
Blow-Pops - Now we're getting somewhere! These babies have two phases, each delightful and distinct.
Dots - These yellow boxes will stick out from the rest of the candy, inviting you to grab them. Accept the invitation. Soft, sugary and with bold colors that say "There is no WAY this is in any way natural," Dots Deliver. Somehow, they are also made by Tootsie, though I bet a funky grandson came up with these to spite his bland ancestors.

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